Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Let's get the cat blown out
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
