This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There r osticjed everywhere
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
