this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
