well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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