I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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