Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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