I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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