Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize