Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
