Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My vagina is officially offended.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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