WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
