can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
