This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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