Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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