just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
