I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
