I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
