Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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