Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I CAN MOONWALK!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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