I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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