when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
