My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
