i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
