And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
