my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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