Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
