I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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