You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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