I am in a vortex of obligation.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
