just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
