I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
