So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Can I color on your dick again?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
