some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
