I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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