I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
