I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
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There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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