dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
