Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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