Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
