Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
