I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
zippers are such a cool invention
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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