you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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