but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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