3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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