he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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