Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Randomize
