i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
