You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
