What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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