I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
