is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
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i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
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This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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