i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
