My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
