Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
