Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize