Her vagina should come with caution tape.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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