she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
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Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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