This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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