The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
