I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
